#I am also trying to get the boop badges | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dashboarddiaries · 7 months ago

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Dashboard Diaries is a production of Atypical Artists, hosted by Lauren Shippen (@thelaurenshippen) and Cher McAnelly (@overchers). Our theme was composed by Lauren Shippen and mixed by Brandon Grugle. Art by Shae McMullin. Transcription by Laudable.

For bonus clips, ad-free episodes, and more, become a patron at atypicalartists.co/support.

[intro music]

Lauren: Hello, Boopers! I’m Cher McAnelly, Head of Entertainment at Tumblr. And year ‘round fool.

Cher: And I’m Lauren Shippen, professional writer who hates all April Fool’s pranks except for the ones that Tumblr does.

Lauren: And this is Dashboard Diaries ... and April Fools! I’m actually Lauren.

Cher: And I’m actually Cher.

And this is a podcast for you – the folks who are in this internet bunker with us. We talk about what’s going on in our favorite hell site, get into what we like to call “tumbl-lore,” do fandom deep dives, and share the times when we’ve gone feral over a new ship.

So, Lauren, what has your last month on Tumblr been like? What’s been afoot?

Lauren: O gosh. It’s been wonderful. I mean, we’re going to talk about it in depth but I just had so much fun with the Boop o’meter or whatever. I did it on both of my blogs. My Lauren Shippen blog and then also my personal one. And the Lauren Shippen blog in terms of boops received – it kept maxing out. And it was like “OMG” or “Please” or “Help” or ... (laughter) the number of boops received. And I’ve got my little boop badge now. I wasn’t able to send too many just because I had to do my work. But it was so much fun.

And then I’ll be talking about this more later in my Feels Corner because I have so many feels about it but just the 911 fandom has been having a moment over the last couple of weeks. And I have really, really been enjoying that. Although I have stayed off of Tumblr for basically the last five days because I haven’t watched the most recent 911 episode because I was in Texas for the eclipse. And that was unbelievably cool. This is not about my last month on Tumblr – this is about my last month as a human being. But yeah, me and my partner went to ... he’s from Texas originally so we went and stayed with his family and we saw the totality. The weather literally cleared for the moment of totality. We got a perfect view. It was unreal.

I see why people fly around the world chasing total eclipses, because it was so cool! Yeah, just the majesty of the universe is really something to behold. So, that’s where I’m at. I’m grooving along. How about you?

Cher: So, you’re just amazed at the universe in which we live and trying to avoid 911 spoilers.

Lauren: Yes, exactly.

Cher: Which we contain multitudes.

Lauren: You really do.

Cher: Yeah, I can’t believe you saw the totality. That is incredible. I am very jealous.

Lauren: It was genuinely wild. And the things that they say of the temperature dropping and the crickets starting up and the birds going nuts and all that kind of ... it all happened. And then the moment that you look up at it without the glasses is just like ... it feels like all of a sudden you’re in a Star Wars movie or something. It looks like something out of a sci fi movie. It’s crazy. Did you see it in New York? You guys got 90%, right?

Cher: Yeah. We got 90% so I went and sat out in my backyard for an hour and I had forgotten to get eclipse glasses until the day before. But I was like, I must do this. So, I just googled “eclipse glasses Brooklyn” and I was able to order them from 7 Eleven on Door Dash.

Lauren: Oh my god. Incredible!

Cher: I had a very ... this is not an ad for Door Dash but it could be if you want to pay us, Door Dash.

Lauren: Yes, please!

Cher: I had a very confused man drive up to my house with just ... I was like – it would be weird to just order the glasses, right? So, I also ordered Doritos. Also, Doritos – if you want to pay us ...

(laughter)

Lauren: Official sponsor of the eclipse.

Cher: So, yeah. I was there watching the eclipse with my door dash purchased glasses, eating my DoritosTM. But no, it was truly amazing. I ordered two pairs just to be safe. Not to wear two at once because I don’t know if I would have even been able to see anything. But I tried to use one of them to shade my phone so that I could take some photos with my phone. I’m not a photographer. I don’t think I’ll ever be in the photography space based on the photos that I got. But I did post one on my Tumblr. So, we can re-blog it to Dashboard Diaries. I think it really shows the majesty of the universe. And also just so you can really see ... I’ll just drop it in here right now.

Lauren: Yes, please!

Cher: I feel like you need to ... you saw totality but this is what I saw. So, I mean ... potato potato.

Lauren: Who’s really winning?

Cher: Yeah.

Lauren: Oh, there it is. Perfect. (laughs) Incredible picture. Absolutely outstanding.

Cher: Thank you very much. (laughs)

Lauren: I also had a really hard time. I took a photo without glasses and everything during the totality and it’s just impossible to see anything. You can’t do it. But then on Tumblr I saw people ... everyone was saying it’s amazing to see everybody’s eclipse photos and stuff but nothing will ever beat the one from 2017 of the eclipse over the Waffle House. I don’t know if you saw this. I’ll find it and re-blog it. It’s genuinely very good.

Cher: Oh my ... what a beautiful world in which we live. You know?

Lauren: With eclipses and Waffle Houses.

Cher: When we went from being single amoeba organisms, single cell organisms to crawling out of the water – who knew that one day we would be taking photos of an eclipse over a Waffle House? You know? Just ... that’s where all of evolution was leading.

Lauren: Absolutely. Once again, the majesty of the universe.

Cher: The majesty of the universe. The majesty of Waffle House. We did a special eclipse badge.

Lauren: Oh really? I missed that entirely!

Cher: Yeah. We have a phases of the moon badge. So, we did a special just for the day eclipse badge. And we partnered with NASA and did a little eclipse email, “Today on Tumblr” email. And also I don’t know if you saw but NASA did, “Do you love the colors of the sun?”

Lauren: Oh my god. No, I did not see this! That’s amazing.

Cher: They did a post showing ... I believe in the week or two leading up to the eclipse. Yeah.

Lauren: That’s incredible.

Cher: I’ll drop that in too, which is very exciting.

Lauren: Yes, please.

Cher: I’ve been pitching a do you love the color of the universe post forever. And I’m so excited that we are ...

Lauren: You’re getting there!

Cher: We’re getting there. We got one little chunk. (laughs)

Lauren: This is so great.

Cher: My last month on Tumblr was very similar to your last month on Tumblr. Minus the 911 which I feel like is a show that I do need to get into because I love ... procedural – is that what they’re called?

Lauren: Yeah. It’s so funny because after the thing that happens that happened two weeks ago happened – that was the worst sentence in the world!

Cher: Is it a ship thing?

Lauren: Um ... kind of. It could be viewed as a ship thing. Do you care about being spoiled?

Cher: Nah.

Lauren: Okay.

Cher: Spoil me.

Lauren: Major spoilers for 911 episode four of season seven. It’s their 100th episode of all time. And Evan Buckley who is my favorite character and who ... he’s the character who I most want to ... my friend is like, “You are always at your sicko window with Buck.” Do you know the meme, right? Of the guy at the window, Sicko, going, “Yes, yes.”

Cher: Always at your sicko window is just a funny ...

Lauren: Always at my sicko window. (laughter)

Cher: Oh my god.

Lauren: I’m always at my sicko window with Buck because he is just a golden retriever of a person who is just constantly being pummeled into the ground. He gets caught in the tsunami, he gets crushed by a ladder truck, he gets struck by lightning.

Cher: He can’t catch a break!

Lauren: He can’t catch a break. I love to watch him suffer. I really love to watch him suffer. And also I just think he’s a really beautiful character. His growth from season one where he’s kind of this Play Boy womanizer, immature, bro – to this guy who is like very earnest and sweet and just wants to be loved and is a great friend to people around him, and a great brother and all this kind of stuff. It’s just a really nice arc.

He is now, this is the big spoiler, canonically bi-sexual. And it was just ... again, I’m going to talk about this more in the Feels Corner but the thing I was going to say is ... So, I spent 40 minutes texting one of my fandom friends, Molly, afterwards just being like, “Let me tell you everything that just happened in this episode.” I recounted beat for beat the episode.

And she has to hear me talk about the show all the time for various reasons because I love it. But I actually ... she was like, okay, now I’m curious. I want to go watch the episode. And then she watched the episode and she started watching season one. And she was like, Lauren, why have people been lying to me and saying that this is a procedural? It is just a character drama!

I’m like, I know! It’s a procedural in the way that Grey’s Anatomy is a procedural, which is like ... it’s not, right?

Cher: My favorite flavor of procedural I think. Yeah.

Lauren: Exactly.

Cher: Not a procedural.

Lauren: Procedural elements, right? Every episode they have a couple of different calls that they go to, a couple of different rescues, things like that, or one big rescue usually in the sort of premieres and finales. But it’s just about character arcs and found family and all the characters are so great. And so she is now gone deep in on the show in a way that I’m like, “Victory at last!” I finally converted a real life friend to 911. So, you’re next, Cher!

Cher: Oh my gosh!

Lauren: I will convert you next!

Cher: I’m next on the list. Also, the play by play that you said you texted her, why don’t you just post that?

Lauren: Oh my god!

Cher: Like as a text post.

(laughter)

Please do!

Lauren: I did screenshot it and sent it to another friend of mine!

Cher: The people need to see. You’re essentially just re-blogging yourself within text which I do all the time.

Lauren: Absolutely. I derailed us from the point entirely.

Cher: But I’m all here for it. Should we ... it’s like part two will be April Fools but this is now the 911 episode.

Lauren: Someone reminded me, sent me a Tumblr ask being like, “I know you said that you would do a 911 episode if Buddy went canon,” which I don’t remember saying but I believe that we said that. But are you going to talk about that? I was like, oh yeah, we’ll definitely talk about it. It’ll be in the Feels Corner for sure because I genuinely was emotional about it. But now also this seems increasingly possible. So ... more to come.

Cher: More to come on that. And I was going to say, we could do it for our pitching each other’s shows ones, but it’s not an underrated show. It’s like the number one show on Tumblr. Yeah, be pitching me directly a show but everyone else is watching it.

The most specific podcast you’ve ever heard. Is this a conversation between two people that should stay between two people? No, everyone needs to hear why I specifically should watch the show.

Lauren: Yes. Yes. Exactly.

[game show trill]

Cher: So, April Fools! I am so excited to talk about April Fools on Tumblr. My first question for you, Lauren, is ... you’ve been on Tumblr for 15 years?

Lauren: 15 years. Yep!

Cher: You have experienced all the April Fools and I don’t know, a lot of community related April Fools moments and things tied in as well. So what is your first memory of April Fools on Tumblr?

Lauren: I mean, I think my first ... it’s so funny, I was trying to think after the boop ‘o meter and the booping this April Fools, which do you want to actually briefly explain what this April Fools was?

Cher: Lauren, I would love to explain what this April Fools was. It was very, very complicated. It was really in-depth, multi-layered-

Lauren: Lots of lore.

Cher: So much lore built in. Really and if you know, you know kind of situation. And what it featured was a button at the top of your dashboard that said “boop.” And if you activated the boop then you could go ahead and boop other people’s accounts and you yourself could be booped. And you’re just trying to get as many boops as possible or boop as many people as you wanted. And that was literally it. That was it.

But was it really it? Because it wasn’t. Because it never is on Tumblr. There were some other types of boops because we can’t be tamed. We can’t be contained to a single boop flavor. So, there was of course the normal boop. There was also the self boop. In case you wanted to boop yourself. There was the super boop. It’s like a boop but super. And then there were some additional ... we added some more boops halfway through the day.

Lauren: Oh really!?

Cher: Yeah. There were a couple ... my favorite was the evil boop.

Lauren: I did get evil booped.

Cher: Yeah, also there was the cat boop.

Lauren: Oh!?

Cher: Yeah. So, yeah, the nose boop. So, there were all types of boops and I do have some numbers for you as well if you want to know how many boops were booped.

Lauren: I would LOVE to know.

Cher: So, the total amount of boops including all the different boop types was 142.5 million boops were sent.

Lauren: (laughs) Incredible.

Cher: In 24 hours. Yeah. 119.2 million normal boops. 12.6 million self boops. And we love a community that boops themselves.

Lauren: Wow. A lot of boop laundering.

Cher: [crosstalk 00:13:47] A lot of boop laundering. Yeah. When I discovered the ability to boop launder, I did ... look, I took advantage.

Lauren: Me too.

Cher: Look, we’re doing what we can in this economy.

Lauren: Exactly. You gotta game the system. (laughs)

Cher: Look, it’s boopy boop on boop street. You know? There were 2.1 million super boops. And then 695.8 thousand mischievous boops. And 7.9 million cat boops.

Lauren: Wow.

Cher: Not even a million evil boops.

Lauren: What a kind community.

Cher: What a positive, kind, booping community. We love to see it. So, yeah, this was a very fun April Fools.

Lauren: It was really fun.

Cher: I will say, I think those are some of the biggest ... our April Fools numbers are always ridiculous.

Lauren: Bonkers.

Cher: They’re always bonkers. They’re always boopers. Ridiculous and this one I think was some of the highest I’ve seen in my tenure (literally) of working at Tumblr.

Lauren: So, last year, I know just speaking of metrics I think there were 5 million crabs or 50 million crabs. It’s one of our episode titles.

Cher: There were 25 million crabs summoned. Yeah.

Lauren: That’s what it was. Yeah, 25 million crabs. And I remember-

Cher: No, it was 2022.

Lauren: That was 2022? Oh gosh, you’re right.

Cher: Yeah, 2023 was the post reaction emojis. So, there was like a caterpillar post reaction you could do. A cheese. And then there was a crab reaction. Which I do have the numbers.

Lauren: What was I doing last April Fools? I feel like I was not on Tumblr that day, which is ... the 14 days a year I’m not on Tumblr all day.

Cher: You weren’t cheesing people’s posts? You weren’t caterpillaring people? Wow.

Lauren: I wasn’t. It’s so funny. I remember the crabs. I remember the copy. But the one that stands out as sort of the first sort of April Fools event I guess I should say on Tumblr is I think an unofficial event which was the Mish-apocalypse. Cher, were you around for the Mish-apocalypse on Tumblr?

Cher: I was not around for the Mish-apocalypse on Tumblr. I was on Tumblr. I had a Tumblr.

Lauren: But you weren’t AT Tumblr.

Cher: I was not ... wait ... I was not at Tumblr. I started later that year. Which would make so much sense that ... because yeah, Mish-apocalypse was 2013. I started at Tumblr in 2014. So, I missed the Mish-apocalypse and I also was on the wrong side of Tumblr to experience it.

Lauren: Right!

Cher: I was super active on Tumblr and did not see it come past my dashboard and would not know who this man was. The 2013 me would have been like, “Who is this person?” If he ever came by ... which is wild to think about now. So, you were there ... you witnessed Mish-apocalypse firsthand!?

Lauren: I witnessed it and what’s so funny, too, is ... I don’t know that I would actually say this to Misha but I barely knew who he was! (laughs) Which is so funny because now anytime he crosses my dash, which is not infrequently, I’m like oh yeah there’s my co-worker, Misha!

Cher: There’s that guy.

Lauren: There’s that guy whose number I have. It’s just such a funny thing. I also just realized I should change his contact photo in my phone to the photo for the Mish-apocalypse.

Cher: You absolutely ... you simply must.

Lauren: So, there is this photo of Misha Collins that if you ... I have no idea the origin of the photo actually but if you have spent any time on the fandom side of Tumblr you’ve seen this photo. Because a lot of people have it as their icon over various backgrounds. But it’s a very blank faced Misha, which is so funny because he’s such an expressive guy, just sort of staring dead eyed into the camera. I have to assume he was doing a bit. I don’t know where the photo came from. Do you know?

Cher: It’s from comic con. It was recorded during a comic con panel.

Lauren: That makes perfect sense.

Cher: I haven’t seen the panel, so I’ve just seen the photo with the comic con panel [inaudible 00:18:00] so I feel like he was definitely, yeah, joking.

Lauren: He was doing a bit.

Cher: Yeah, doing a bit, for sure.

Lauren: And it’s not super high res. It makes sense that it came from probably a screen shot of a panel, right? And somehow, I don’t know how it was organized because again in 2013 I was not in the Supernatural fandom. I was aware that Supernatural existed, because I was in my final year of college in April of 2013 and I had some friends in college who watched it, but I never had seen an episode. I was really starting to dip my toes into the fandom side of Tumblr. So, I had not gone deep in on sort of ... SuperWhoLock was definitely happening in 2013 and in some ways 2012 was really the height of SuperWhoLock but Supernatural to me was part of SuperWhoLock. It was not a distinct entity yet.

And then April 1st all of a sudden everybody on my dash, or basically everybody on my dash, had changed their avatar to this photo of Misha Collins. And it was the Mish-apocalypse. And just like you could not escape this photo. It was everybody’s avatar. People were posting it everywhere. It was just a dashboard takeover. And I don’t know, did you know anything about who organized that or how it got organized? Is it just one of those things that’s Tumb’lore and it just happened?

Cher: I honestly think, I have no idea of the origin of the first post. It really, I do think it is, yeah, just Tumb’lore that just ... it sprung up just one day magically and please if someone knows the post or the user who started the Mish-apocalypse.

Lauren: Tell us.

Cher: We would love to give them credit and also speak to them.

Lauren: Yes, please.

Cher: Yes. I don’t know, make a trophy of some sort, like a Mish-apocalypse. You know Task Master?

Lauren: Yes.

Cher: I was about to ask if you watch. [crosstalk 00:19:51] Yeah, the golden head. I think if we did a Misha version of that.

Lauren: Perfect.

Cher: Right!? Call it the Dash Master.

Lauren: The Dash Master. That’s ... I’m putting a little pin, bookmark in that, because I want to make that a thing somehow.

Cher: We’re circle back.

Lauren: Let’s circle back to that. But okay, that was 2013. So, then presumably Tumblr was not doing official April Fools things in 2013. So, when did that begin for Tumblr?

Cher: So, it was 2014 and it makes so much sense now ... it’s all clicking for me why 2014 was the first one and why the 2014 April Fool’s joke was what it was.

Lauren: What was it?

Cher: We added top hats onto people’s profile photos.

Lauren: The top hats‼ I forgot about the top hats! That was ten years ago!?

Cher: Yeah!

Lauren: Oh my god.

Cher: That was definitely a direct reaction to Mish-apocalypse where everyone changed their profile photos or did something. So, it was like, why not put top hats on it. And then yeah ... so that was the first official Tumblr April Fools.

Lauren: That’s wild.

Cher: I know that Danny Phantom does a similar to Mish-apocalypse April Fools thing with changing their profile photos to a Danny Phantom photo. Yeah.

Lauren: Really?

Cher: Yeah.

Lauren: I am so not even adjacent to the Danny Phantom fandom that I’ve never seen that. That’s amazing.

Cher: I also just love ... yeah, it’s call Danny-pocalypse. And it is exactly what you think. Where all the users change their ... everyone in the Danny fandom changed their profile photo to a photo of Danny Phantom.

Lauren: I love that. Okay, so it’s been ten years of Tumblr April Fools. Can you take us through the journey of this decade?

Cher: Lauren, I would love nothing more. Let’s go on a little scroll down the dashboard, if you will. ha ha. I know I’ve said that pun before but it’s just one of my favorites. Anyway ...

So, 2014, Tumblr Pro is what it was called. Everyone got their top hats.

2015 was the Tumblr executive suite. And that was-

Lauren: Copy!

Cher: Copy Fame the Tumblr official mascot, who sadly passed on to the technical realm. I don’t know. At the end of the day.

2016 was the lizard election. That’s where animated lizards competed to win the hearts and minds of Tumblr. And we did actually hire a commentator to host a kind of fake update news show, like it was called Decision 2016. And we also added a post type feature that allowed you to make your own campaign posters for whoever you were supporting in the lizard election.

Lauren: That’s awesome.

Cher: Which ties in really well when we do our Dashboard Confessionals because I did include some of my campaign content from the lizard election.

Lauren: Oh, I’m excited.

Cher: 2017 was horse plinko. You got a digital horse.

Lauren: Yep. God, horse plinko was all the way back in 2017!?

Cher: Yeah.

Lauren: That’s wild.

Cher: Oh wait ... I’m trying to remember now. Was 2017 [inaudible 00:23:23] digital horse and then horse plinko started later because of the digital horse?

Lauren: No-

Cher: No, it was horse plinko. Because I remember playing it on my dashboard.

Lauren: I think you’re right. Yeah. There was an official dashboard horse plinko for sure.

Cher: It’s wild to me because I’ve worked here this whole time. I should remember but they all ... I know we added the horse plinko but there have been so many ... a lot of these creations come from hack day projects. So, a lot of the time I’m like, oh, I’ve seen that, I’ve played that, and the tester. Also, if you go into your settings and turn on Tumblr Labs you too can play with hack day projects ever so often.

Lauren: I didn’t know that was a feature in Tumblr Labs. I have Tumblr Labs turned on. I love the Q 2.0 it saves my life.

Cher: Q 2.0 was a hack day project. The re-blog tree was a hack day project as well.

Lauren: I love the re-blog tree.

Cher: Yeah, one of my favorites.

2017 you got a horse. So, horse plinko.

2018 was Tumblr coin. Tumblr crypto currency.

Lauren: Perfect.

Cher: Also, everyone could trade for the day, which I feel like boop was the new iteration, I guess.

Lauren: Absolutely.

Cher: Almost. 2019 was Tumblr memories and so you could create fake memories. It said you re-blogged this on this day but it wasn’t.

Lauren: Oh yeah! I do kind of remember this.

Cher: It said, yeah, everyone had different memories and it put you and your mutual’s and things into memories together that had nothing to do with. Which I vaguely remember that but oddly the fact that it’s called Tumblr Memories, but it’s ...

Lauren: It’s hazy.

Cher: It’s hard. Yeah, I feel like I’ve been Eternal Sunshined.

And then 2020 was the group chat story builder. So, that one was a smaller one for obvious reasons. We just kept it ... we launched group chat at the time which is a feature we no longer have. But there was essentially the Tumblr bot in the group chat helped you and the other users link in the group chat, you could create fake stories. It was a little story building device.

2021 was an NFT adoption fair and NFT stands for Non Fungible Tumblr Cryptids. So, everyone got their weird Tumblr Cryptids. Which was also super fun. I feel like I have to go dig into my archives and grab mine, too. [crosstalk 00:25:39] It would randomly generate a weird name, a weird shape with a few different features and there were definitely top hats involved.

Lauren: Yes!

Cher: 2022 was of course bricks click-a-thon. Which the crabs were the most talked about moment of the day. The theme of it was essentially we’d hired a new chief engagement officer and his job was ... his name was Brick and he was a brick in a suit and his job was to get as much engagement on Tumblr as possible. So, he just added a bunch of buttons. So, all over the dashboard there was ... he succeeded. He got that engagement. So, look, Brick ... and he also posted throughout the day Brick Updates. And I think Brick quit.

Lauren: Or he got fired or something.

Cher: Yeah. Got fired. Something happened. Which I love the narrative. And then in 2023 was the post reaction emojis that we were talking about. And then 2024 ... here we are at the boop o’meter. Which yeah, is like ... by far the most clicked that we’ve seen.

Lauren: Aw, that’s amazing. What’s so fascinating about ...and one of the things I love about this is that I remember some of these really vividly and I think I missed others entirely. And that’s what I love about this particular thing is if you’re not there on April 1st you just aren’t there. Right? And depending on the day of the week that April 1st was ... I’m sure that I was in recording or it was a weekend and I was out doing stuff. And I wasn’t really active on Tumblr or whatever. Which I normally am pretty much every week day and a lot of the weekend, let’s be real.

But I just love that. I love that you kind of have to be there. And I feel like over the last couple of years it’s just become more of a thing that people anticipate, that people look forward to, that people are excited to see what the team is coming up with. Yeah, I would love to ... what is the first one that you really remember and what is your favorite?

Cher: Hmm. The first one I really remember is definitely 2015. Because it was my first year working at Tumblr. I was an intern. And also just ... I remember getting a top hat in 2014. So, I guess that’s the first one but I do remember it, but 2015 really sticks with me. We would have a conference room set up for the day and everyone ... the whole team is in there posting and responding and updating things as they went, adding reactions, things that Copy could say. It was really fun to be a part of it.

So, yeah, 2015 is the first one I remember. And also 2016 really sticks out I think too as just a fun weird chaotic memorable one.

Lauren: I feel like I still see posts about the lizard election. It’s loomed large in Tumblr’s memory.

Cher: It definitely, honestly, Mop stayed in the community consciousness and Deborah. Wretched Tooth.

Lauren: That’s right! Incredible.

Cher: I’m trying to remember, trying to figure out what my favorite is. I do think ... I don’t know why I’m having such a hard time deciding because I feel like they were all ... I feel like they were just all such fun days. The whole community gets together. So, when I’m picking a favorite I’m like, which one did I have the most fun with but every single one that really stands out, they were all fantastic, but I do think that the 2015 one, the executive suite with Copy stands out to me as my favorite just because I think both sentimentally and also because I just love Copy and how Copy came back with Tumblr Top Five and how Copy has had that staying power.

And yeah. So, the first one I remember and my favorite are both 2015 executive suite with our friend, Copy, who by the way ... I have an action figure of.

Lauren: Oh my god! That’s amazing! (laughs) Is that Merch the Tumblr [inaudible 00:29:55]?

Cher: It is Merch. We have a bunch of them in the warehouse actually. So, I should definitely ... as part of your ... I was figuring out your birthday gift and I’ll definitely be sending you a copy as a copy of Copy as well! And also I just have to show you because I’m so proud of Copy’s placement in my room. In my office.

Lauren: Oh my god. On your printer. That is perfect! He’s there to be so helpful when you’re making copies!

Cher: Yeah, right!? Look, always there. Never takes a day off.

Lauren: What a guy.

Cher: What is your favorite April Fools? And so I guess the first one you remember would be the Mish-apocalypse.

Lauren: Yeah.

Cher: Which one was your favorite and which one were you the most actively involved in throughout the day?

Lauren: I do think that the boop o’meter is the most I’ve sort of been actively, very active ... but I say I’ve been on Tumblr for 15 years, I don’t mean that I’ve had an account for 15 years. I mean, like I’ve BEEN ON Tumblr for 15 years. Right? I don’t think a month has gone by where I haven’t used Tumblr in some capacity. Certainly there have been busier times and less busy times and times when I’m more active in a particular fandom and times where I’m not but I have been a fairly consistent Tumblr user. But I do think that the way that I’ve used Tumblr has sort of changed over the years. I think especially as ... let’s be honest, other social media has fallen by the wayside, right?

I think for a long time Tumblr was a very important part of my internet diet but because it was part of an internet diet I hadn’t really gone into all of the ways to use Tumblr to its fullest if that makes sense? Whereas now I’m a person who, yeah, has Tumblr Labs turned on and has all the different tabs of what you missed and popular re-blogs and all that kind of stuff turned on so I can mix and match my dash. I obsessively cue things. I’ve got Q 2.0. I really am deep into Tumblr as a platform. Actually using all the features for so many years. Tumblr is working great for me so I don’t need to dive into all these features and now I’m like Tumblr is working great for me and also I can now even customize it even more.

And so I feel like because of that I’m a more literal active Tumblr user if that makes sense. So, I do think the boop o’meter was the one that I participated in the most. And it’s a regency bias thing, too, it just brought me so much Tumblr joy. But I do think that horse plinko does stand out in my head. And thinking back on it now, the lizard election also stands out. But 2016 obviously was such a year on social media in general and just that was a real time for all of us as a nation, right?

Cher: Yeah and we were in a different place in April than we were in November.

Lauren: Right, and December.

Cher: Yeah, and it kind of hurts to remember the fun we had.

Lauren: It hurts to think of a fun election.

Cher: It hurts to think of the fact that we were having a good time with that. Even though it was nice to have a good time before the bad time.

Lauren: We thought we were going to have a good time in November, too, but we didn’t!

(laughter)

Cher: We did not. No. Yeah, I think that really does prevent me from saying that was my favorite ... or a top one, even though it was so memorable and so much fun because that was swiftly overshadowed.

Lauren: Yeah. Swiftly overshadowed. Whereas I do think that April of 2017 was also a time ... we were all sort of adjusting to the new way that things were. And also to me it’s just like ... it’s an interesting [inaudible 00:33:50] ahead of when Tumblr started to become the Tumblr that Tumblr is now. If that makes sense?

We talk about these eras of Tumblr, right? And yeah, if I think of my own ... and I’d be very, very curious what your personal eras of Tumblr are.

Cher: Which I also love as an episode!

Lauren: Tumblr Eras.

Cher: Tumblr Eras.

Lauren: Yes.

Cher: Tumblr Eras Tour?

Lauren: Tumblr Eras Tour | Lauren & Cher Version.

(laughter)

Yeah, we’re doing that. So, okay. I won’t go too deep into it but it’s like there are distinct eras of Tumblr that we will talk about on a future episode because I love that idea. And I do think that 2017, 2018 till now is Tumblr at its most pure and distilled. And where the Tumblr community and the Tumblr platform are sort of most in harmony. And frankly the weak ones have left. (laughs) You know?

(laughter)

Cher: Only the strong survived.

Lauren: The strong survived.

Cher: It’s like Bane, born in the darkness. I was born on this dashboard. You simply logged onto it.

Lauren: Exactly. So, for me, I think the digital horse kind of marks the beginning of that era. I’m just very happy to be in the Tumblr that we’re in now. I was going to ask you what your favorite Tumblr era is but we will save that for an episode because I think that is a whole episode.

Cher: I feel like yeah now I’m thinking about my Tumblr eras. They are absolutely so distinct. I think I’m also kind of entering and have been entering a new one now, because I do feel like, yeah, I’m definitely feeling the community start to not enliven because it’s always been so alive and engaged and fun and active. But I do notice I have a lot of friends who have told me they’re logging back into Tumblr after a while, reactivating their accounts, getting back onto their dashboards. I think largely after maybe not using other socials as much or what have you. And so it’s definitely been ... I feel like we’ve been in this really Tumblr ... not Tumblr fandom as in fandom’s on Tumblr but fandom other era-

Lauren: [crosstalk 00:36:26] OF Tumblr.

Cher: Yeah, now I really do think ... I love how the people who have been in this community for such a long time, for ten plus years, fifteen plus years – when new people join the community is so welcoming. And like, “Hey, here is how things work. How can we help you get up to speed?” We saw that with Tw-exit. When we had so many new users coming. Everyone was kind of welcoming them into the fold.

So, yeah. I think I’m very excited to talk about Tumblr eras. Because I think we’re definitely ... I feel like there’s something new afoot, perhaps a renaissance.

Lauren: I think so! I think we may already be in a renaissance.

Cher: I agree with you. Wow. All these renaissance and eras, we’re referencing all of the pop icons.

Lauren: Yeah, all the hits.

Cher: And also, speaking of Tumblr eras ... what do you have from your archives to show us today?

[guitar]

Lauren: I forgot what I put in here because I put it in several days ago. Oh, yes. So, I have a video that I re-blogged in, oh gosh, 2015. So, I mean, nine years ago at this point. And it’s just like, I don’t know, it encapsulates 2015 to me. It is a video of President Barack Obama, giving various speeches but somebody has cut all of the words together so that he is essentially rapping the lyrics to Uptown Funk. (laughs)

Cher: I remember this. I didn’t even need to put the sound on. I was like, oh, I know.

Lauren: ‘Cause you knew exactly what it was.

Cher: I knew what it was but I do kind of ... I turned it on full volume in my ears. Which I deserved for hitting play on that. But oh my god. What a classic. What a heritage post.

Lauren: True heritage post. Just wanted something silly for April. How about you? What do you have from the archives?

Cher: My dashboard confession for today is from the 2016 Lizard Election. It is the campaign poster that I made of MOP the Lizard who is a lizard in a bucket hat ... for our listeners. And it reads “MOP is me, I am MOP, MOP is we” and then it has three smiley faces on it.

Lauren: It’s excellent.

Cher: So, just some of my art. And it has three notes and two of the three are from my parents and the third is from a Tumblr employee.

Lauren: Incredible. Well, it’s about to get a lot more because we will re-blog that to DashboardDiaries.Tumblr.com.

Cher: Which I’m very, very proud of and I honestly do wish that we still had that post type functionality within Tumblr.

Lauren: Bring back [crosstalk 00:38:57].

Cher: Yeah, my new platform is the ability to have a platform on your platform.

Lauren: Yes. I support this.

Cher: Yeah, thank you very much. (laughs) With our last couple of minutes, because I know you wanted to dive into your Feels Corner ... What has you in your feels this week, Lauren?

Lauren: Well, first of all, I do want to mention ... because it’s been a while since we have mentioned this because I keep forgetting about it. If you would like to share your feels with us, you can send us a voice memo of 45 seconds of less and email it to [email protected]. That email will be in the description, so please share your feels with us. Yeah, so very very briefly – my feels is about spoilers for 911 – Evan Buckley being canonically bisexual. I watched ... the show comes out Thursday nights. I usually watch Friday during lunch. And I was literally at my computer hands on my face being like, “Is this happening?” Is this actually happening?

Because we’ve all thought that he’s bisexual for a very long time. And I mean as a bisexual person it’s my prerogative that everybody is bisexual until proven otherwise. (laughs) But just the way they did it was so perfect. Olive Stark, the actor who plays Buck, clearly has so much care for the character and care for the story line. And I woke up the next day and was like, “Did that actually happen? Is that real?” And it is! And it did happen!

And I’m just very overwhelmed with emotions about it. Especially since ... and this is something that I’m just like, wow, April really is my month. I’m an Aries. My birthday is April 16th. The episode came out on April 4th. April 4th this year was also the ten year anniversary of Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Which is one of my favorite movies of all time. And the thing that got me into the obsessive Marvel fandom. And I just realized the other day April 4th, 2013 was also the premiere of Hannibal. So, it’s like-

Cher: Oh my god!

Lauren: April 4th is just like my day for disaster by sexual men.

Cher: Oh my god. You need to start taking the day off just to celebrate.

Lauren: It’s like a holiday for me! (laughter)

Cher: Also, I just love the idea of having personal holidays. This day specifically is a day that I take off and I celebrate. Yes, birthdays and etc but no, April 4th-

Lauren: This is my day.

Cher: That’s Lauren’s day. Yes.

Lauren: This is my bisexual day.

Cher: I am literally adding a reminder to my calendar ... you’re getting something for Lauren’s Bi Visibility ... Lauren’s Individual Bi Visibility Day.

(laughter)

Only Lauren is visible.

Lauren: What about you, Cher? What has you in your feels this week?

Cher: What has me in my feels this week? The couple of things that have me in my feels – I don’t know how much I am able to talk about them because they’re not yet out.

Lauren: Ooooh.

Cher: When this episode comes out I think Dead Boy Detectives will be out already. So, what has me in my feels is Dead Boy Detectives. Which comes out later this month. It is a spinoff of the Sandman series based on two of the characters from the Sandman who are two dead boys, shocker, who become detectives, also shocker. So, that comes out later this month. It is great. It’s super by, by the way.

Lauren: Oh, hell yeah.

Cher: I think you’ll enjoy it. I think the other thing that kind of has me in my feels is just the fact that, I don’t know, I feel like we spend so much time in the fandom community writing fan fic and hoping for characters to be queer, bi, and it’s so nice that it actually canonically happens regularly now. It’s just very nice that it’s no longer something that you feel like you’re writing in your fic and hoping you’ll get a crumb of something. You know?

Lauren: Exactly.

Cher: So, I think that in general has me in my feels. And can’t wait for everyone to see Dead Boy Detectives.

Lauren: I know. I’m so excited. You were texting me about it as you were watching it and it sounds ... you’re so right. It sounds so up my alley. I’m very excited to talk to you about it.

Cher: I cannot wait. I can’t wait for that episode. So yeah. That has me in my feels right now. And this has been great. My April Feels, April Fools ...oh god.

Lauren: Yes!

Cher: Heyyy.

Lauren: Tee hee!

Cher: And with that ... I’m Cher McAnelly and you can find me at OverChers.Tumblr.com.

Lauren: And I’m Lauren Shippen, and you can find me at TheLaurenShippen.Tumblr.com.

Cher: This has been Dashboard Diaries. And ...

[outtro music]

Lauren: May your anons always be loving.

Cher: Your dash always refreshed.

Lauren: Your gifs always be loading.

Cher: And your ships always canon.

Lauren: May the fics you’re reading always be finished.

Cher: And the answers you seek always in the re-blogs.Lauren: Thanks for scrolling with us!

April means April Fools! Tumblr has a long and storied tradition of built-in pranks and this month, we go through each one. Plus: big news in the 911 fandom, a new show to obsess over, and a total eclipse of the sun.

Credits and transcript in our reblog. You can find transcripts for this, and every other episode, here.

Find the posts discussed in this episode in this tag!

#DD 37 #transcript

306 notes · View notes

thebibliomancer · 4 years ago

Text

Essential Avengers: Avengers #213: COURT-MARTIAL

November, 1981

Aw sweet, I could win a ten-speed!

Welp. Here we go.

This title doesn’t fuck around. This cover doesn’t fuck around.

You know, the Avengers are actually a very rules based organization. In an average issue, its a bit weird to think about these goofuses actually following a charter but its true.

Much more so than the X-Men or the Fantastic Four. The Avengers are always talking about who’s going to be the chairman and procedural things. I think because the Avengers are more a group of equals than the X-Men or Fantastic Four are. The X-Men and the FF have a clear cut leader.

But the Avengers need rules because your common Avengers either all think they could be leading the team, actually could, or all of the above. They need an explicit charter to keep those egos in line.

But I guess my point is, having read 213 and change issues relating to the Avengers, you’d think that court martials would show up more often. They are a group prone to nonsense decisions. I think the one other one we see has Iron Man court martialed and suspended for a time for not responding to an Avengers call and not being able to account for it (since it related to secret identity stuff).

I have to figure that they tend to happen off-screen as necessary with exoneration generally occurring.

This one happens on-screen. And follows up on last time: wherein Yellowjacket shot a mysterious magic woman in the back when Cap was trying to use words and not punches to resolve things.

This is a grim day for the Avengers. They have to put one of their own under investigation and their furnishing related mishaps just keep mishappening.

Look at Thor and Iron Man squeezed onto one tiny table. Cap doesn’t even have room. He has to dramatically stand.

Although this is actually the pre-court martial. Captain America has leveled charges on Yellowjacket and Thor and Iron Man are going to decide whether it warrants proceeding or not.

Captain America: “Yesterday, we engaged in combat with a mysterious woman possessing strange, awesome powers who was attacking Washington, D.C. After heavy fighting -- I managed to win through her defenses and reach her! I’d succeeded in convincing her to cease hostilities -- when, suddenly, for no reason, Yellowjacket blast her with his disruptor ‘sting’ at full force -- in the back! Fortunately, she weathered his attack -- but his action re-ignited the conflict! It could have cost us all our lives... and left the city defenseless!”

Iron Man asks whether Yellowjacket has any explanation for his action.

And since “I was a jerk!” isn’t a great defense, Hank goes with “no explanation!”

Without any explanation for his actions, its decided to convene a formal court martial for three days hence. Until then, Yellowjacket is on temporary suspension. Since Avengers don’t carry guns or badges, he’s asked to turn over his Avengers’ priority ID card. Which presumably gets you discounts at the snack bar as well as some sway with the government and such.

Hank protests but the rules are firm and Hank himself helped write them back in the day.

Outside the... meeting room? Tiny library? Gosh, I’d love a layout to the Avengers mansion. Why aren’t they meeting in their sweet conference room- oh right. The table shrank.

Anyway, outside wherever, Wasp in her new... and frankly lingerie-looking costume is fretting.

(Jan, why are your fashion instincts so hit and miss and miss?)

And then Tigra boops her on the head.

Tigra has continued to be as cat as an equivalent weight in cats and has climbed the wall to hang out on the wall trim. Somehow.

Wasp: “Tigra! What are you doing up there?”

Tigra: “Same thing you’re doing down there -- wondering what’s going on inside! When cats get nervous, they climb! You should try it! It might relax you!”

Tigra also assures Wasp that everything will be alright but privately hopes that it will be. And also dunks on Hank a little.

Tigra: (I’ve never seen a woman so hung up on a guy! And such a strange guy! He seems like such a cold fish... all wrapped up in whatever murky stuff is churning around inside himself! He gives me the creeps!)

Yellowjacket comes out of the whatever room and Wasp is immediately on him, asking he hold her. And he’s like

mmnnyurrh

Yellowjacket: “Jan, just -- just get away from me! Leave me alone! Haven’t I got enough to contend with without you slobbering all over me?”

When she turns away sadly he apologizes and hugs her, saying he’s just afraid because the Avengers are going to court martial him.

A still lurking on the wall like a five foot something cat Tigra wonders to herself “Jan, baby! I just don’t get it! Don’t you know you’re worth ten of him?”

She’s right and she should say it.

The pre-court martial panel splits, to meet up again in three days for the court martial.

Captain America flips off the roof into a thunderstorm to get some serious thinking and flashbacking done. He’s extra like that. I mean, seriously. There’s a front door, STEVE.

Cap: “I wonder... am I doing the right thing? Was Yellowjacket’s action just a mistake -- ? Something that could happen to anyone?”

He thinks back to the war, when he in disguise as Perfectly Average Steve Rogers PFC was on a recon patrol and his unit ran right into a huge German advance.

His unit got cut to pieces around him until he was the only one left. At that point, he ripped his uniform off to reveal he was dressed in layers as CAPTAIN AMERICA.

I was going to snark that his secret identity was worth more than the lives of his unit but I dunno that even a Captain America could have done much to save his GI guys. The way its portrayed and all. Steve even thinks that his number is up so might as well go out as CAPTAIN AMERICA.

“It was early in my career -- after I had established myself but before I had seen much front-line combat! Till that day, I hadn’t suspected how wise the government had been in giving me this costume! The very sight of Captain America seemed to terrify the German soldiers, as, fighting like a man possessed, I cut a swath through their ranks...”

Cap fought and fought until there were no more enemies standing. Surrounded by collapsed and probably unconscious and not at all dead German soldiers.

He hears a sound behind him and acting on battle instinct he throws his mighty shield with the intention to make someone yield.

But: instant regrets.

“The sound was a child... a war orphan, collecting brass to sell for money to buy food! Thank god, she was bending to pick up a shell casing just as my shield would have struck! Meant to stun a full-grown man, it probably would have broken her neck if it had hit!”

Wow! Cap almost killed an orphan!

The point being that Cap wonders if he has the right to accuse Hank, when “there, but for the grace of god...”

Meanwhile, Iron Man has stayed back at the mansion to refresh his memories with some research in the Avengers records.

This is one part a montage of previous Hank Pym moments and one part ‘actually I did do the research before I wrote this’ from Jim Shooter.

Because, yeah, Jim Shooter, according to Jim Shooter, went back and reread every single appearance by Hank Pym and Janet Van Dyne before writing this story. Believe it or don’t but the montage is here so he at least did enough to get panels to reference or reuse.

Iron Man notes Hank’s tendency to change identities and costumes frequently, how his gaining the power to go giant didn’t work out too well for him, how he left and rejoined the group, never seemed comfortable with the Avengers, and in Iron Man’s estimation that he felt outclassed by the other founders.

And perhaps the reason he kept ping ponging between the team and his research was a lack of success in either one. How his attempts to achieve a scientific breakthrough to prove himself (I guess Pym Particles are a case of ‘what have you done for me lately?’ or just that he didn’t want to be a one-hit wonder) bore only Ultron, one of the Avengers’ deadliest enemies.

Iron Man: “But I wonder... can he ever truly be free of the spectre of Ultron -- ? Can he ever be more than a haunted, hollow man drowning in a sea of guilt over the wrongs done by his monstrous creation? Can he ever rid himself of the desperate need he has to redeem himself in his own eyes?”

That’s a hell of a way to talk about your friend, Tony. I know the Avengers have a policy of not interfering in each others personal lives but its probably not the best policy to watch him struggling and just wait to see if he figures out his shit on his own.

I don’t know.

Iron Man: “And if he is in that kind of inner turmoil, he needs our help... our support... our love! Hank is a friend to us all... a founder of this group! How can we turn our backs on him when he needs us most? How dare we punish him for a mistake that any of us might have made?”

Oh! Well! Learn me to not flip the page. I guess in fairness Hank has been at his worst here than previous times.

Anyway, as I said, Tony doing this research mirrors Jim Shooter doing his research. And Tony reaches much the same conclusion as Shooter does, although perhaps more kindly worded.

Jim Shooter: “Back in 1981 I was writing the Avengers. Hank Pym aka Yellowjacket was married to Janet Van Dyne aka the Wasp and things had not been going well for him for a long time. Before I embarked on the storyline ... I reread every single appearance of both characters. His history was largely a litany of failure, always changing guises and switching back and forth from research to hero-ing because he wasn’t succeeding at either. He was never the Avenger who saved the day at the end and usually the first knocked out or captured. His most notable ‘achievement’ in the lab was creating Ultron. Meanwhile, his rich, beautiful wife succeeded in everything she tried. She was also always flitting around his shoulders, saying things to prop up his ego.”

Geez, Jim.

I don’t know about Hank never saving the day at the end. Never is a bit much. But I don’t want to reread 213 minus issues to say for sure.

But this is the portrayal of Hank that went into writing this story and Iron Man is the one who speaks it aloud.

Outside the mansion, Wasp and Yellowjacket run into a group of young fans right as they leave. The fans all want Wasp’s autograph and mistake Hank’s codename for Bumblebee and ask if he’s ever done anything.

Wasp: “Look, I’m just his sidekick! You’d better get his autograph too!”

A child, probably: “Nah! We just want yours! Right, guys?”

This is like that scene with Hulk in Endgame where he tries to get the fans to appreciate Ant-Man too, to Scott’s growing annoyance with the situation. Except not as played for laughs.

On their limo ride to their Cresskill, NJ home, Wasp tells Hank not to let those smart-aleck kids get to him.

Yellowjacket: “... Well, they were right! What have I ever done? Nothing!”

Wasp: “Hank, don’t be silly! Oh, who cares what they think? You’ll always be my hero!”

In fairness, Wasp has been actively on the team for a bit and memories are short. Hank’s been busy in his lab. Which Wasp reminds him but that's the lab she paid for and where he’s accomplished NOTHING!

The staff of the house also dig the knife in a little, possibly unintentionally but eh who can say. When they address the couple Mrs. Pym, aka the person who signs their checks is primary and Hank is the after thought. But possibly they just interact more with Jan if Hank has been cooped up in his lab.

Jenkins: “Welcome home, Mrs. Pym! Uh, you too, sir!”

Jenkins in the next panel: “Madame, would you like us to begin preparing your luncheon now? And Mr. Pym’s too, of course!”

And then, things get awkward. Although oh lord, Jan is trying.

Wasp: “Alone at last! Thank goodness! It seems that we never have any time just to be together by ourselves anymore! You know, just to talk, and --”

Yellowjacket: “I don’t want to talk about my problems, Jan! I know you mean well, but --”

Wasp: “But I’m ‘dingaling Jan, the airhead heiress’! Every time I try to help I just make things worse! I know! I -- I’m sorry! I always goof everything up... always say the wrong things! I’m such a dumbbell! It’s a good thing I found you to think for me, darling! You’re so smart... so strong... mmm... so sexy! All I want to do is melt in your arms... be yours! I need you to protect me and keep me warm, lover! Oh, Hank! Let’s just sneak off to bed and cuddle and kiss and -- and let me show you how much I love you! Whaddaya say, big boy?”

Yellowjacket: “Uh... not now, honey! I -- I’m just, just a little too tense now! You understand, don’t you? I think I’ll go putter around in the lab for awhile! Maybe that’ll relax me! See you later... okay?”

Eeesh.

Eeeeeeeeesh. It almost hurts watching Jan diminish herself so much to try to make him feel better.

Although a lot of her solutions seem to be ‘lets make out until you feel better’ but she did offer to talk. Not even about anything specific. And Hank automatically assumes that the only thing to possibly talk about is his problems.

Hank locks himself up in his lab, realizing that he’s disappointed Jan but saying that its better to not even try to get romantic while he’s this upset.

Yellowjacket: “I wouldn’t blame her if she hated me! I’m a failure as a husband... just like I’m a failure as a hero! So here I am again, hiding out in the lab... where I’m a failure as a scientist! I hate this place! ... But I keep coming back -- because, here at least I had one success!”

And yes, that one success he credits himself with... is Ultron!

Yellowjacket: “Yes... here I accomplished what no one else ever has! I built a robot capable of independent thought! Here, I created... Ultron! Even that went wrong! Even that, my own success turned into a disaster! A failure! But maybe, just maybe, my one success will yet provide the key to my salvation!”

And he starts putting together a new robot!

Hoooooooooo boyyyyyyyyyyyyy, Hank. Building robots isn’t always the solution!

Also: in order: does the robot Human Torch just not count then? And do Pym Particles not count?

SCENE AND TIME CHANGE

Three days have passed, it is dawn of the three days later.

Tigra is spending her morning napping because she is here to cat to the utmost.

Look at this. Ridiculous.

You are a ridiculous individual, Tigra Greer Grant Nelson.

And like a cat, sleep can be a tenuous thing for the faint sound of footstep on carpet outside her room has her spring out of bed and answer the door of her room before Jarvis even knocks.

Because Tigra is here to be a cat and unnerve Jarvis, for reasons which escape me.

She jokes about Jarvis bringing her a mouse for breakfast but he’s really here with her weekly stipend check from Tony Stark.

This is a thing that’s been implied but not explicitly spoken but the Avengers actually get paid for being Avengers. Its not really a salary as much as a stipend.

I don’t know that there’s a difference, except maybe legally. Maybe in regards to taxes. Maybe stipends don’t get income taxed and you don’t need to submit a form to the IRS.

That our Tony! Ha ha ha pay your taxes ya dink

Anyway, the weekly check is a ‘merely’ a modest stipend to defray miscellaneous living expenses. Most Avengers refuse the stipend because, well, they don’t need it! And most Avengers aren’t going to pocket a thousand dollars they don’t need just to laugh at Tony for handing out free money.

Your Thors, Iron Mans, Wasps and Antgiantyellowjacket Men.

But the Avengers that live in the mansion and have no outside means of support (definitely Hawkeye whenever he was on the team, definitely Beast and he definitely bought weed with it, Wonder Man, probably Scarlet Witch and Vision) accept the money.

Tigra: “Well, I’ll sure take it! I’m tired of being broke!”

And then she actually looks at the check.

Tigra: “Jarv, this check -- ! It’s for a thousand dollars!”

Jarvis: “If that is not sufficient, madame, I’m sure Mr. Stark would be happy to increase the amount!”

Tigra: “Increase the --! No, that’s okay, Jarv! This’ll do just fine! Whee! We’re in the money... we’re in the money!”

So according to an online calculator $1000 in 1981 dollars is worth about $2,820.56 in 2020 dollars!

Plus no rent because firemen sleep in the firehouse!

Being good really is its own reward! Where do I get some superpowers, an invitation to the Avengers, and probably a c-list fodder death in the next event!

Ok so maybe its not all great to be an Avenger. But the monetary compensation certainly sounds good to some!

And it bears mentioning that Tigra signed up to be an Avenger when all she thought she’d get out of it was a place to sleep and a chance to do hero stuff.

Anyway, Jarvis also reminds her that she has to attend the court martial meeting at four, prompting her to say “Aw! Don’t remind me of downers like that now, Jarv!”

You’re a classy person, Tigra.

Stop sexually harassing the butler and also anyone. Its just uncomfortable.

And poor Jarvis continues to be allergic to cats and giant woman cats. Poor, poor Jarvis.

As four approaches, the Avengers all start to head to the mansion for the court martial.

Iron Man as Tony Stark, normal billionaire man, cuts short a board meeting claiming another appointment. One of the board members is like lucky dog is probably off to a date with a startlet but oh ironies man, Tony would trade places with the board guy Dillworth if he could because he’s not looking forward to this.

And at Upper West Side Medical Clinic, Brilliant Perfectly Normal Surgeon Dr. Donald Blake is doing surgery when he realizes drat that Avengers meeting is soon.

So he asks the other doctors to finish up without him and takes off.

In fairness, in fairness! The patient was out of mortal peril. It was just the closing up and such that was left. But the other doctors are like look at that arrogant doctor man, he may be the best doctor on Earth but I don’t like his attitude.

And in the court martial room waits Captain America. Still stuck in that conundrum he’s been in.

Captain America: “When the court martial convenes, I don’t know how I’m going to find the courage to look Hank in the eye and then demand that he be expelled from the Avengers -- but I must... though it will be the most difficult thing I’ve ever done! I’m going to prosecute the case as best I can... because it’s my duty! But all the while I’ll be praying that they acquit you, Hank! I hope you understand!”

Cap is at least fair handed here. This is exactly the treatment he demanded for himself in the Charles Soule She-Hulk series where he asked Matt Murdock to prosecute the hell out of him and She-Hulk to be his defense in a wrongful death lawsuit.

The idea is this: if Hank is acquitted, then it clears his name without a shadow of a doubt because Cap wouldn’t have gone easy. Accountability, its a hell of a thing.

BUT NOW WE GO BACK SEVERAL HOURS to Cresskill and the casa de Wasp.

Janet woke up and found no Hank. He’s been locked in his lab since they got back from the pre-court martial three days ago. And she’s gotten worried that he’s hurt himself or gotten ill so she decides to invade his privacy a little bit.

Hank has locked the lab door but Jan can just about wriggle through the top because the insulation is a little cracked.

So she squirms into the very small gap between door and frame.

And finds Hank has built a medium giant robot.

He’s just finishing up the programming. Because he’s programming the robot (he calls it Sal, short for Salvation I) to locate and identify the Avengers visually as well as by brain-wave patterns.

Hank this is all very dubious! I can’t think of a good reason why you might secretly be building a robot and putting all of your friends’ faces in it!

But Sal’s detectors are running and its suddenly pinging two Avengers in the area, not one. And when Hank turns on the visual scan system to check, whoops! Jan’s here! Jan saw your robot!

Hank freaks out a little bit.

He slams his fist on the computer near where tiny bug her is standing and shouts.

Yellowjacket: “What are you doing here? Why did you come here? WHY?”

She tells him that she was worried because she hasn’t seen him in days but he accuses her of spying on him.

Jan reiterates that she wasn’t spying. She just wanted to make sure he was ok.

Annnnnnd. Hank decides that Jan being here is a serendipitous chance to test his new robot!

By having it attack Jan!

HANK!

Sal charges Jan and grabs her in its giant pincer hands. Jan tries blasting it with her bio-electric sting but to no effect.

As Hank brags Sal is made of invulnerable adamantium. Plus plus plus, he’s programmed to respond if she tries shrinking.

Yellowjacket: “Yeah, Sal’s a pretty tough customer... powerful enough to trash all of the Avengers together! No one can stop him -- except me, because I happen to know about his little secret weak spot! One precisely placed shot with my disruptor-blast stinger -- and Sal collapses, defeated!”

Jan then asks the pertinent question.

Hank Pym what the hell is this robot for??

Yellowjacket: “Why, I’m going to save my career, Jan! That’s what I’m going to do! Let’s be realistic, shall we? The charge against me is ‘endangering the safety of fellow Avengers and civilians through neglect’! The penalty is expulsion! They’re going to boot me out! This ‘court martial’ is just a formality!”

This isn’t a good plan. Nothing here is good. Only bad things will occur.

I’m not being silly, for a change. This is a bad scene.

It does what it intends to do, more or less. But its uncomfortable.

Jan is like c’mon don’t think like that. And Hank is like well, I’m going to give it a chance. But if things start going badly, boy howdy, I’m going to summon a robot to beat up my friends! Also Hank himself! That’s right! He programmed a robot to beat the shit out of him!

And then when things look their worst, Hank will save the day by blasting the robot in the secret weak spot and saving the day!

Jan tells him not to do this dumb thing.

Yellowjacket: “SHUT UP! I’ve got to do this! I’ve got to save the day right before their eyes! Don’t you see? It’s my only chance to redeem myself! It’s the only way!”

And there’s no way to really sugarcoat this. Hank just hauls off and hits her.

Or makes a very dramatic gesture and accidentally strikes her.

Jim Shooter has said that the hit wasn’t in the script.

Jim Shooter: “In that story (issue 213, I think), there is a scene in which Hank is supposed to have accidentally struck Jan while throwing his hands up in despair and frustration - making a sort of ‘get away from me’ gesture while not looking at her. Bob Hall, who had been taught by John Buscema to always go for the most extreme action, turned that into a right cross! There was no time to have it redrawn, which, to this day has caused the tragic story of Hank Pym to be known as the ‘wife-beater’ story.”

I don’t know. As I said last time with Gorn and Linnea, Hank is reflected in Gorn. And Gorn intentionally hit Linnea.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that it was set in stone that Hank would hit Jan. But it seems like it was foreshadowed in that way.

And here’s the thing: whether Hank intentionally hit her or not doesn’t really matter with how the story comes off and is attempting to come off.

Before he, intentionally or not, hits Jan directly he has also sicked a robot on her (and under-reacts when she says the robot is hurting her) and smashed his fist near her when she was small sized.

Any one of these would be unacceptable behavior.

And even if it was an accidental hit, Hank doesn’t express remorse or guilt or even awareness that he did a bad thing. He just keeps ranting as she’s sprawled to the floor.

Yellowjacket: “You’ve got to understand -- ! I can’t let them drum me out of the Avengers! I can’t! It’s all I have left! Since you had to stick your nose into my business, you’re in this with me now, Jan! I’ll keep it simple for you! All you’ve got to do is play along and keep your mouth shut! Got that?”

So. Yeah. Inadvertent or intentional doesn’t really change anything here. His behavior in this entire scene is beyond the pale.

So we time skip to the present of 4:27 PM, twenty-seven minutes after the start of the court martial and twenty-seven minutes of no show.

Tigra is getting frustrated.

Tigra: “I want to get this craziness over with! You know I’ve been an Avenger for a week! I feel pretty silly judging a guy who’s been around since day one!”

She asks if she can just cast a vote for acquittal preemptively and fuck off.

Iron Man says of course not! Although he thinks to himself that if it were possible, he would have done it and probably Thor too.

So that’s the situation regarding the Avengers’ thoughts on this court martial. Tigra wants to just vote to acquit because she’s only been here a week. Iron Man and probably Thor would also like to just vote to acquit. And Captain America is going to prosecute as hard as he can but is secretly hoping that Hank gets acquitted.

Far from Hank’s belief that the court martial is just a formality.

Anyway, Hank and Jan (wearing sunglasses) show up.

Yellowjacket: “Sorry we’re late! The George Washington Bridge was jammed as usual!”

Captain America: “No harm done, Hank!”

Yellowjacket: “You mean you won’t be pressing additional charge for malicious tardiness, Cap?”

Captain America: “Uh... let’s get started!”

Yeah. Off to a great start. Just. Not a good foot, Hank.

So the court martial starts! Thankfully the table has had a growth spurt or maybe got switched out for a bigger table.

So the voting will be by Tigra, Thor, and Iron Man. Wasp may participate but not vote because she’s Hank’s wife. Cap will prosecute.

And begin to prosecute he will do!

Captain America: “Four days ago, Yellowjacket blasted an enemy in the back -- an enemy who had already ceased hostilities! We all know that Hank’s no coward and not one to panic! It was a mistake... a misjudgement made on the spur of a tense, pressured moment! It could have triggered disaster!”

“But it didn’t! We were lucky! So, the temptation is to forget it... write it off! We tend to feel that way because each of us thinks that it’ll happen to us someday!”

“Wrong! We can’t let it happen! We’re the Avengers, not the Brooklyn Dodgers! One ‘error’ by one of us can cost thousands of lives! We don’t dare allow ourselves to think it’s ever all right to make a mistake!”

“Our responsibility is overwhelming! We’ve got to judge ourselves harshly! I recommend for Yellowjacket, as I would for myself, the severest possible penalty!”

So at this point Hank can please guilty to the charges and rely on the mercy of the court or defend himself from the charges.

And Hank decides to plead not guilty, of course!

Okay, so what’s your defense, Hank? You actually have a possible avenue here that Elf-Queen didn’t speak English and you were behind her so it was difficult to tell that hostilities had ceased and plus she had tossed your new teammate into space.

Are you going with something like that?

Yellowjacket: “I don’t deny the sequence of events as Cap described them... more or less! Yes, when it seemed as though the enemy had ceased fighting, my attack -- my ‘mistake’ -- seemed treacherous! But I find it odd that the great Captain America never even once considered treachery on the part of the enemy!”

“She could have been setting him up! By striking when I did, in the way I did, I may have actually saved his life! But is he grateful? No! Why not, one may ask!”

“Well, perhaps you noticed that the ‘enemy’ in question was a beautiful woman! Does he think I didn’t notice the way he was looking at her? Well it’s no wonder he’s so upset!”

“You like her, eh, Cap? And I hurt her -- and that’s why you have this vendetta against me, even though I may have saved your miserable life! Oh yes! I was actually the hero out there! Me! But, then, you turned it all around... you made a fool out of me!”

“And it worked, didn’t it? That’s when she started looking back! Isn’t it? Isn’t it? ISN’T IT?”

Yeah. That. Just sort of says it all, Iron Man.

Hank senses that maybe his rant wasn’t quite as convincing as it sounded in his head and demands Jan tell them how right he is!

Jan: “... no more! Let it end! I beg you, Hank, if you love me... let it end!”

And Thor sees her black eye and reacts in shock, asking if Hank hit her.

By the by the way, this is also why Chuck Austen’s retcon that Hank had been physically abusing Jan for a while can fuck off. Because in his telling, the Avengers knew for a while and just didn’t do anything.

And I do not like that as a concept.

So since this is going not how he’d prefer, Hank pulls the killer robot remote out of his outside pants and activates the killer robot.

Its got to be sunk cost at this point, right?

Even if he saves the day from the killer robot, does he think that they’re going to forget the black eye and his rant that really Captain America is too horny?

AND THEN THE ROBOT BUSTS IN THROUGH THE WALL AND STARTS BEATING EVERYONE UP

with a KA-BWHOOM! naturally.

The Avengers rally despite the surprise and try to fight back but the robot is made of adamantium and we know how much trouble the Avengers always have with Ultron.

Cap tries throwing his shield at Sal and it doesn’t even yield! In fact, Sal catches the shield and slams it into Cap’s chest. Possibly caving in his ribs.

Iron Man tries to draw Sal off of the others by shooting repulsors at it but Sal zooms over really quick and punches him in the chest before he can react.

At this point Hank begins to have the faintest inklings that maybe he’s done a bad, specifically in creating a killer robot and programming it to attempt murder on his friends.

Yellowjacket: “I -- I hadn’t realized just how deadly, how savage Sal would be in full attack mode! I’ve got to zap his weak point before he hurts someone bad!”

And he probably forgot that he programmed Sal to kill him too because when Yellowjacket goes for the weak point, Sal swivels around and hits Yellowjacket, sending him WHOK!ing into the wall.

Oh. Hey. Sal’s turn and smack pose is vaguely similar to the thing between Hank and Jan.

Wonder if that’s intentional.

Hank is knocked so for a loop (by a robot that, I’ll remind you, he programmed to beat him up) that he almost passes out and has to struggle to his feet.

But he has to stay conscious because he’s the only one that can stop the threat he himself created!

And since Sal is kicking the shit out of Thor, the threat that Hank himself created really is a big one!

Yellowjacket: “C’mon, Hank! Suck it up! Make the room stop whirling! Focus... focus on the weak spot! Aim... disruptors on full force!”

But Hank takes too long and Sal finishes beating up Thor and grabs Hank in his claws. And hey more mirroring maybe! Like Jan before, Hank is in Sal’s claws and is being crushed.

And to fit the mirroring, Jan comes to Hank’s rescue. But out of actual, factual real concern for Hank’s pain unlike Hank earlier not reacting to Jan’s pain.

Again, I wonder if it was intentional. And I think in this case it must be?

Its because Hank put her through this nonsense earlier that Jan knows where the weak spot is and can blast it to save the day, the Avengers, and Hank.

Sal plops over with a KLANG!

And Hank...

Is not grateful.

Yellowjacket: “Why? Why did it have to be Jan? If -- if I couldn’t do it... why her? Why? Why?”

After everything, after every way in which his own plans spectacularly crashed and burned, he’s still most concerned that Wasp outshone him?

Lets let Thor put it best.

Thor: “Thy plan... was foolish, Yellowjacket! A base and transparent ruse!”

But Yellowjacket doesn’t hear Thor or anything really.

Yellowjacket: “guess i’ll go now... guess... i’ll go.”

And he lurches out the door in a bit of a daze.

Iron Man: “Jan I -- I -- what should we do? What can we do?”

Wasp: “For me? Nothing! I’m okay... now! You know, I feel like crying... but I just don’t have any tears left!”

And that’s that.

I’ve said a lot of what I’ve had to say as we went along.

There’s more to come in this particular arc. Hank isn’t done yet!

What an ominous statement.

Follow @essential-avengers because I’m doing a good job, maybe. Please also like and reblog.

#Avengers #Yellowjacket #hank pym #the wasp #Sal the robot who offers hugs #Captain America #Thor #Iron Man #Tigra #essential avengers #essential marvel liveblogging #who would have thought a court martial would go so bad #you had THREE WHOLE DAYS to prepare your defense #geez tho geez #cw domestic abuse

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vanchlo · 5 years ago

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The Assistant / Chapter Twenty Five, “A New Hope”

// FIND OLD CHAPTERS HERE //

hi!!!! i hope you’re all doing okay and hanging in there during this crazy time in the world. please know that im thinking of you, and please stay safe and healthy!!! id love to hear what you think of this chapter so plz like reply with thoughts or send me an ask??? id love to talk to anybody about this story bc it sounds weird but i love this story too???? like tell me what was your fav part??? what do you predict is gonna happen?

thanks so much for still reading after all of this time, and i hope this chapter distracts you from some of the crap going on in the world ♡♡♡♡

*SNEAK PEEKY TIME*

“But some moments when I’m so deep into my work, a thought pops into my head making me think that I’ll look up and see him there. Or some days I even think I hear his voice. Or I think the text I just got was from him.

None of that happens.

And it upsets me far more than it should. Some days I’m just better at ignoring it.

I couldn’t have wished for a better “new job,” but sometimes I miss him. And I don’t know what to do about it. Because there isn’t anything I can do. I know I made the right decision to leave, but in the moments I get overwhelmed and frustrated with learning new tasks, I wish I could be sitting back in that desk down the hall from his office.”

PART TWO: THE STRANGER

The noises here are all new and hard to get used to. The printer works differently. It’s like a maze in order to find the department I work in. There are key codes I have to put in and doors I have to scan my badge at. There are so many more names to learn here, and new phone extensions to master.

But I like it.

And I think I’m getting the hang of it. Slowly but surely.

“It’s Becky, right?” a voice says, pulling me from my chaotic thoughts.

I blink, looking away from my steaming cup of tea and to the face smiling at me.

“Uh yeah, it is. And you’re . . . Molly, right?”

“Yeah, wow! You’re good at names!” she laughs before sipping from her own cup of tea and taking a seat beside me. “How are you liking it here so far?”

“It’s good so far, thanks,” I reply, picking up my tea and blowing on it. Avoiding her round brown eyes, I think hard about where I’ve seen her before. She must be in the same department if she’s in this break room. Hmmm. I hate it when I can’t remember things even though it’s on the tip of my tongue.

“You used to work for Styles and Lawson, did I hear that right?” Molly asks before taking a long pull from her mug. She crosses her legs clad in black slacks that end at the polka-dotted blouse hugging her large chest.

If I got a pound for every time somebody has asked me that here, I wouldn’t even have to work here.

“Yeah,” I say, trying not to sound how annoyed I am to have to answer this question for the hundredth time. I told my new boss this once, and somehow everybody in the Administration department now knows it.

“Interesting. It looks like you stayed in the same world coming to work at the courts,” she remarks and I nod blankly.

Yeah, as if I haven’t heard that one before in the last month, too.

I continue to smile and nod at her repetitive questions. I sometimes answer them and then listen to her drone on about her three kids until the small hand reaches the 6 on the clock and my break is over. I’ve never been so excited before to go back to work.

Sitting down at my desk, I almost smile at the way the cushion welcomes me back. Framed pictures smile back at me.

Skye and I. Robbie and I as kids in matching outfits. My dad. My grandparents.

The same ones I had on my old desk. At his firm.

My chin arrives in my hand and a heavy sigh falls from my lips. The little pink clock on my desk tells me it’s only 12:30 in the afternoon.

I wonder what he’d be doing right now.

My eyes fall shut with a groan. I try to shake my head free of those kinds of thoughts. The very thoughts I’ve been trying to push away this last month. But after so long, it’s almost too hard. I thought that the more time that passed would make it easier, but some days it’s harder than others.

I really like it here. Everybody is nice and helpful. My boss is easygoing, supportive, communicates well, and helps me with any questions I may have. My workload is realistic, it’s familiar, and I enjoy it.

But some moments when I’m so deep into my work, a thought pops into my head making me think that I’ll look up and see him there. Or some days I even think I hear his voice. Or I think the text I just got was from him.

None of that happens.

And it upsets me far more than it should. Some days I’m just better at ignoring it. I couldn’t have wished for a better “new job,” but sometimes I miss him. And I don’t know what to do about it. Because there isn’t anything I can do. I know I made the right decision to leave, but in the moments I get overwhelmed and frustrated with learning new tasks, I wish I could be sitting back in that desk down the hall from his office. I tell myself that I just miss the familiarity. But I know that I also miss him.

His sweet cherry smile.

His contagious laugh.

His bizarre outfits that I looked forward to every day.

His twinkling green eyes.

The taco dates.

The late-night hangouts in his office with wine coolers and take away.

The silly yet frustrating Scrabble games.

His smell. Sandalwood mixed with bergamot and cedar.

And his jokes.

His raspy deep drawl.

And his warm bear hugs.

Pressing my fingers into my temples, I blink hard. The thoughts disappear for a second, but not long enough. I lift my head and settle my fingers on the letters of the keyboard. The login screen is only blurry for a moment, and the moment passes. But the ache in my chest and the racing inside of my skull doesn’t stop. They only continue as I open up a document and continue my work, as I continue missing him.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to stop.

12:30 right on the dot.

The black second-hand ticks past the three nears the four, and then the five. Fat snowflakes fall against my foggy window, blanketing the rest of London in its opaqueness. The words of David Gilmour and Roger Waters tickle my ears, but I don’t listen to them. The thoughts whirring around inside of my head keep them out.

I wonder what she’s doing right now.

Is she liking her new job?

Are they being nice to her?

Did she already eat lunch?

Are any blokes flirting with her?

Does she have her own desk?

What kind of place does she work at now?

Is she happy?

That thought weighs heavier than the others, and I feel it. My lips part and a long sigh leaves them.

Knock knock!

“Yeah?” I call out, not bothering to turn around. The bustling of double-deckers, cars, and people on the streets are more entertaining than any emails I should be reading.

“Harry, are you going to join us?” I hear a familiar voice ask.

“Yeah, ‘ll be there inna minute,” I answer, ignoring the tone of Myles’ voice.

The sound of the door closing trickles past the music and into my ears. My head falls into my hands and I let my eyes close. My fingers find their way into my hair and I remain there for a second, feeling my breaths leave and enter me.

I miss you, Becks.

A few breaths later, my fingers fall. Now, they find the closed laptop sitting near me and the leather book atop it. Next, my feet find their way to the door. But they stop in front of it. All of the moisture in my throat suddenly disappears, and a giant old lump appears in its place.

Oh, not again.

I breathe in and out and wait until it passes.

My ringed fingers wrap around the handle and turn it. Swallowing past the lump, my feet move again and down the hall. Knuckling at my eyes, I round the corner and quickly wipe at my eyes.

“You okay, Harry?” Myles asks me, welcoming me when I sit down beside him in the large meeting room.

“Yeah, jus’ got somethin’ in me eye,” I tell him, gulping hard. But there’s something in his ocean blue eyes that says different. He’s been a blessing putting up with my shit and excuses, but I think he knows more than he lets on. He’s always cared more than he shares.

He pats my arm before he turns to face Jennings who begins to talk. “It’ll be alright, it always is,” he mentions in a whisper.

I nod and turn my attention to Jennings. But no matter how hard I try, I can’t. I can’t focus, and I can’t believe him. Because the chaos of my mind continues. And so do the pictures of her scattered around in there. And so do the feelings, because no matter how hard I try to shut them off, they stay. Even after a bottle of brandy. But the alcohol doesn’t make me stop missing her, and hating myself for messing up. And for losing Becks.

Alex Trebek’s voice welcomes my ears as I step foot into my flat. I jump when I hear Skye shout back at him.

“What is Little Women!” she nearly screams, and her arms fly into the air when she gets it right. “Yessssss!” she exclaims, cheering for herself. Her pigtails the color of snow and blue cotton candy dance in the air around her.

I laugh with a shake of my head, sighing as I shrug off my coat.

“Oh hey, Boops,” she greets me, garnering an eye roll from me.

“You know not to call me that,” I reply, closing the closet door that now holds my peacoat damp from the winter flurries.

“I think I’m one of the few people allowed to call you that,” she replies, and I give her a glare in return.

To no surprise, it doesn’t do anything, because she just picks up another gummy worm and feeds it between her lips coated in neon pink lipstick.

“What, did your clients cancel their haircuts and colors because of the blizzard?” I ask her, padding over to the kitchen island.

“Yeah, bloody idiots forgot how to drive in the snow or something,” she nearly hisses, but it doesn’t last long because she yells another answer at the tv. “What is the Mariana Trench!”

“Skye, we have neighbors you know,” I scold her as my eyes search the shelves of our refrigerator. “Also, would it kill you to do some grocery shopping, perhaps before we’re snowed in?”

“Yeah sorry, I meant to but I forgot.”

“What’s new,” I mumble under my breath. I grab the first thing of leftovers I see and pop it into the microwave. Rice and broccoli from last night. It’s just so exciting eating healthily. “You’re on grocery shopping duty next then.”

“Have you seen Harry yet at your new job?” Skye pipes up, ignoring my question. I truly wonder how many times I roll my eyes at her in one day or even one hour.

“No, I told you that I’m in like the way back in the admin department in the courts. He would be on the other side in the actual courtrooms where the cases are held, silly.”

“Oh well sorrrrrrrrrry,” she retorts and then yells another answer at the tv. “Who is Martin Clunes!”

The microwave beeps as I reach up into the cupboard and pull down a mug at random. It has superheroes donning its sides - Batman, Superman, and Wonderman. An old one of my dad’s. But that’s not who it makes me think of.

“Funnier is not a word!”

“Oh yes, it ‘s! Jus’ look it up in tha dictionary, or better yet, on yer phone,” he giggles in reply. Shaking my head, I type the word into Google and feel a smirk begin to warm my cheeks.

“Oh god, what ‘s that look for? I know that look’s no good.”

“So funnier is a word, huh?” I counter, feeling the smirk inch up my cheeks slowly. Turning my phone around, I show the Google page to him and watch his face morph into denial. A sneaky grin lines his lips as he resists to roll his eyes. His head falls next with a defeated sigh and he punches the pillow.

“Don’t you roll your eyes at me, Harry Styles,” I tell him, my lips letting loose a laugh. He joins me before groaning and taking his word off of the board.

“I needa break,” he huffs. The sofa whines from his shifting weight and I hear his footsteps trailing behind him.

“Tea break?” I ask and hear a pleased ‘yes’ in return.

“Here lemme, ‘s my turn anyways,” Harry insists, and I feel his hand on my back. Facing him, he winks a hazel-green eye at me. “Go pick yer word, Becks. Lemme take care of tha tea.”

I nod and begin to turn to walk away. I almost stop when I feel his long fingers rub a circle into my back. But I don’t, because they’re gone before I can blink. A silent sigh drops from my bottom lip as I walk away from him.

You have no idea what you do to me, Harry Styles.

The thoughts being sewn together in my mind revolve around something other than the Scrabble tiles sitting in front of me. Instead, they’re about how well the skinny blue jeans hug his legs and another asset of his. And how the black and blue flannel he wears makes him look insanely cozy. My God.

“Don’ think so hard, Becks,” Harry titters, and I pull my eyes away from the Scrabble tiles that were beginning to grow blurry. I look to him with a question on my face and find him laughing with those eyes on me. “Can’t find any good words, eitha?”

“No,” I say with a shake of my head. I let my head fall to the back of the sofa I’m curled up against.

“Tha’s fine. Why dontcha put it t’ tha side an’ we can do somethin’ else?”

“Like what?” I ask, moving our racks of tiles to the coffee table where the board sits.

“I dunno, you can pick,” he answers. As I grab for the remote, I hear the pouring of water and the clinking of spoons.

Yawning, I sink into the sofa and press the power button. The television screen comes to life in front of me and the last thing watched appears. I flip through the channels, and after a couple of programs, I arrive on a familiar scene.

“Oooo, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince,” I hear, turning to find Harry arriving on the sofa next to me. I take the steaming Marvel mug in his outstretched hand with a ‘thank you.’

“I didn’t know you liked Harry Potter,” I mumble before blowing on my tea. After deciding it’s far too hot, I sit forward and set it down on a coaster.

“Oh, I love it. I read a few o’ tha books when I was younger, an’ ya can’t find a betta movie. There’s nothin’ like these,” he answers, eyes already glued to the screen. He sets his tea aside with a clud on the table. “Here,” Harry says, and I look over to find him draping my velvet black star blanket over me. And him.

“Mmmm, thanks,” I mumble happily, pulling it up to my shoulders. I feel him move around next to me before finally getting comfortable.

“Yer welcome, bug. I think this issa good way t’ spend tha resta tha night. Too cozy an’ tired t’ do anythin’ else,” he comments with a laugh ending his words.

I nod and tip my head to the side, not expecting to find his shoulder right there. I freeze and peek a look up at him. He notices and glances down at me. All he does is smile at me before his eyes go back to the scene on the television.

I decide to stay there and he doesn’t seem to mind, only intent on commenting on the scene happening where Dumbledore first meets Voldemort. “Oooo, I like this part here. They make it look so cool with tha wisps o’ memories, an’ tha lighting ‘s incredible an’ so spooky.”

“Mmmmh, I always liked Tom Riddle, because of how creepy he is. And he’s much better looking than Voldemort,” I comment.

“What?” Harry laughs, taking a peek at me. His thick eyebrows are scrunched in a disbelieving question as a smile pinches his dimpled cheeks. “But Tom Riddle ‘s Voldemort, ya goof.”

“Yeah I know, but like his younger self is far cuter than the noseless bald bloke he becomes,” I try to explain, but he only shakes his head with a few giggles.

God, I think I could listen to that sound for hours on end.

“Ya don’ make any sense, sometimes,” Harry chuckles.

“Come on, yes I do! Wasn’t it like with every Horcrux he made he just started looking weirder?” I counter, nudging his shoulder with my own.

“No, ya silly! It was cuz he was so deep into tha dark arts-.”

“Including making the Horcruxes!” I almost shout in argument. I watch the realization embed into his features, and I know I’ve won.

“Okay fine, yer right. Well kinda. From what I rememba it has t’ do with that, an’ cuz he was a Slytherin an’ Parselmouth so he wanted t’ look like a snake. Y’know, tha lack o’ hair an’ nose? I also read that it could also be cuz he was one o’ tha last descendants of Salazar Slytherin,” Harry continues, words of admiration falling out one after the other.

“Woooooow. I didn’t know we had a Harry Potter geek in the house,” I say, trying to stifle a laugh, but it doesn’t work.

Another eye roll.

Then possibly the most adorable pout I’ve ever seen as he moves away from me with a whimper.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I laugh, trying to pull him back over to me. But he’s so tall and long, that I have little success with my noodle arms. “Harry, I was just kidding.”

“Sure ya were,” he pouts, keeping his back to me as he settles on the other side of the couch.

His name leaves my lips in a laugh. My fingers remain around one of his biceps, and I pull, but he doesn’t move an inch. I give up with an exaggerated sigh and my own whimper.

Plopping myself back in my spot, I hunker down underneath the blanket. Pretending to watch the movie, I wait.

“Yer not gonna get me with that pout,” Harry says all of a sudden.

Taking that as a dare, I slowly look over at him. With knitted eyebrows and my bottom lip sticking out. A smile appears on his lips and blush fills his cheeks. His hands fall from his shoulder-length hair he’s just put into a bun.

“Fine, ya got me. I can’ stay mad at that face,” he relents with words dipped in sugar.

“You’re not the only one who can do a good puppy dog pout,” I comment as the couch dips with his movements. I feel his shoulder bump back into mine. I try not to smile too big as I tip my head to fall back against his shoulder.

“Ya comfy, bug?” Harry mumbles next to me.

“Mmmhmmm.”

“Good, ‘m glad me shoulder’s all comfy for ya,” he says, and I can hear the smile in his voice. I see it in all its glory when I chance a look up at him and find him smiling down at me.

It’s like looking into the sun. And like all of the times before - I never want to look away.

I swallow hard, feeling the lump forming inside of me.

“Can you please not bring him up anymore? It’s not helping the fact that I’m trying to forget him,” I spit at Skye, setting the mug down hard on the granite countertop.

“Sorrrrrrrrrry. Goodness, what’s gotten into you today? I thought you were liking your new job, Ree.”

“I am, I just don’t want to talk a-about Harry anymore,” I reply, pressing the button to open the microwave. The smell of broccoli and garlic trickles past me.

“You can’t even say his name,” she laughs, and I groan as I stir the broccoli and brown rice around in the hot glass bowl. “Heeeey, I’m sorry, okay? I don’t know why you gave up on him, you could always go back and finish your . . .”

Skye’s words trail behind me as my feet pad down the hallway to my bedroom. You’re not helping me to forget him, Skye.

You’re only making me remember him, and I’ve been trying so hard lately not to.

My quilt several shades of pink welcomes my return as I plop onto my bed. Shoveling a bite of broccoli and garlic rice into my mouth, I grab the remote and turn on my tv. Reaching for the Fire Stick remote teetering on the edge of the table, I push it and instead of grab. It clatters to the hardwood floor and I groan in response. Setting my dinner on the wood table, I regrettably leave my bed to retrieve it. Flicking on my lamp, I squat by the table and peer into the space behind my table.

There it is. The long black rectangle waits for me there. But just as I’m reaching for it, another rectangle catches my eye. This time, it’s a white one.

“Huh?” I mumble, feeling the stiff paper welcome my hands.

I flip it over and the light catches on it. The long envelope stares back at me, and so do the letters on its front. My name in black pen interrupts the white expanse, but that’s not the writing that I’m focusing on. It’s the return address.

Styles and Lawson 418 Stevens St. London UK

Turning it over, I finger at the sealed edge. I don’t realize I’m doing it, but I bite at my bottom lip as I debate whether to open it. I can’t stop wondering what’s inside, and the postage date of December 18th only makes my curiosity burn brighter. And the fact that I’ve never seen this before in my life.

“Skye, why do I have a letter from Styles and Lawson that I’ve never opened or seen before?” I yell to her through my half-open door.

“Oh, that? I put it on your bedside table when it came that day. How am I supposed to know why you haven’t opened it?” she quips, as dumbfounded as I am.

“It was behind my table, so it must have fallen.”

“Ya think?!” she replies with her usual loud volume, followed by another Jeopardy shout.

I rip it open without another moment of hesitation. The paper makes a satisfying sound. A matte white paper looks back at me. The numbers and watermark on it tell me what it is. My fingers recoil instinctively when I touch the glossy object. I instead pull it out by its edges.

Splashes of red and green and long-forgotten faces stare back at me. Myles. Mickey. Rose. Jennings. Myles. Rory. And Harry. Their faces are followed by the words “Merry Christmas from all of us at Styles and Lawson. Wishing you a happy Christmas and a fantastic New Year!” in a blocky white font. Little holly berry branches decorate the corners of the picture. A picture taken months ago at one of their big meetings, I assume. The sun is shining in through the window, and Harry’s hair isn’t as long. Everybody’s arms are around each other and a big goofy smile sits on his face. Tongue out and all.

I do it before I can stop myself. My finger dances around the outline of his face, and down the black and maroon suit he wears in the picture. Probably the only printed picture I have of him, and one of the few I have in total. But there are enough burned into my brain that I’m already trying to erase.

I toss them both onto the floor, leaving them behind my table where I wish they would’ve stayed in the first place. I return to my broccoli and rice and play a new video on YouTube. It does a good job of drowning out his voice in my head, but not good enough.

I want ya t’ come back, Becks. I want us t’ try again . . .. . . ..

Shades of brown dance around in the steaming water. I watch them twirl together and meet one another. The water slowly grows darker and darker as steam rises off of the surface.

“If you stare any harder, I think your superpowers will come out and it’ll explode,” somebody says wryly.

“Wow, I didn’ know you were a comedian,” I respond, wrapping my fingers around the warm metal chain.

“I didn’t know you were eco-friendly all of a sudden,” Myles says, nodding his head towards my cup of tea. “Or a little kid, with that dorky thing.”

“Oh shuddup,” I respond, watching the brown liquid fall from the pink silicone pig tea infuser. “It makes me feel good tryna save tha environment, an’ this li’l thing ‘s bloody cute.”

“Sure, if you’re a bleeding first-grader,” he responds with a titter, pulling a mug down from the shelf.

“Yer jus’ jealous,” I quip as I pry off the pig’s head and dump the soggy tea leaves into the waste bin.

Myles laughs and walks around me to the black fridge to take out the carton of milk. I blow on my steaming mug, watching little waves form in the brown water from my breath. A little water tornado forms from my next breath. I watch in fascination as it twirls around in the mug before finally tapering out.

“You okay, Hare?” Myles asks, his voice taking on a softer tone. A friendly tone. “You haven’t seemed like yourself lately. You haven’t even been drinking coffee much, and that’s odd.”

“I’m fine,” I answer, bringing the mug to my lips and avoiding his eye contact. Setting the mug down on the counter, I chance a look inside the fridge and wonder what to have for lunch.

“Is it Becky leaving? Is that why you’ve been acting differently?” Myles prods, nearly pulling a sigh from my lips. Or a groan.

“I said ‘m fine, My,” I nearly retorted, my eyes glazing over the lone yogurts and forgotten sandwiches occupying the shelves. Slamming the door, I walk away and pick up my phone from the table in the center of the room. Maybe some takeaway.

“Hare, you know you can talk to me about it,” Myles insists, throwing his hands up in the air. I ignore him, typing something on my phone, but I can see him out of the corner of my eye.

Like he often does, he uses his hands to talk and they jump in the air only to fall with an exasperated sigh. Then they comb through his tousled blonde hair.

“I hate seeing you like this, and not knowing how to help,” he continues softly. I give up, pressing the lock button on my phone and shoving it into my pants.

I finally face him and look in his distraught brown eyes.

“I miss her, Myles! I connected with Becky, a-and I screwed it up. I called her a liar and Amber was harassing her tha whole damn time without me knowing!” I confess, feeling the weight of the words fall from my shoulders as I finally say them. But the emotion rises in my throat, no matter how hard I try to hold it back. “She was amazing! She put up with me shit, and yet she stood up fer herself when she needed t’. She was funny, she was smart, she was beautiful, an’ I fooked it up!” The emotion eats at my words and by now, the horses are already out of their gates. And I don’t know how to corral them back in. “I hate feeling this way, but I dunno how you can help or even how I can help myself, Myles. So ‘m not g-gonna be myself ‘til I learn how t’ get ova this.”

I don’t know what to do. I steal a glance at him and find the sadness in his eyes is worse than before. I can’t handle it, and so I lift my feet and soon I’m walking out of the room. Leaving my tea, and the god awfully cute tea infuser pig. The one she got me before she left.

“I saw it and immediately thought of you.”

“Wow, thanks, that makes me feel all warm an’ bubbly inside.”

“No, silly, I just mean it looked like something you’d like. And since you drink tea so much. And you’ve been buying metal straws and bamboo toothbrushes . . It seemed fitting. And isn’t the little piggy just so cute?”

“Yeah, I guess yer right . . . it really ‘s cute.”

Winding my way around coworkers, I suddenly find myself in front of the elevator stabbing at the buttons. I don’t even register which one I’ve pushed, because I want to be anyplace but here. Today is worse than most because anywhere I look there’s a memory of her stuck there. And they jump into my head and start playing before I can stop it.

The elevator doors open with a ding and I step into the empty four walls, gladly. Rubbing at my eyes, I stab at the button for the parking garage my car is at. With a sigh, I feel some of the tension boiling inside of me leave. I get rid of the warm tears painted under my eyes and blink hard until my vision is clear again.

Suddenly, the doors open and I nearly curse out loud when I see who’s waiting. The look on his face says that he feels about the same way. I step to the side, allowing him room to join me. He almost changes his mind, but he steps on and presses the button for 17. An awkward silence surrounds us as the elevator hums to life, dinging with each floor it passes.

“Can I ask you a question?” I blurt out loud, doubting myself the second the words pass the threshold of my lips.

His confused gray eyes rise and lock with mine, a question on his face. “What?” he answers, nearly annoyed with me.

“I’m sorry, we’ve neva really talked and ‘ve neva been very nice t’ ya-,” I try, but he stops me.

“Yeah, you haven’t, Harry, and so why should I? The last time I did a favor for you it didn’t really turn out too great,” Asher responds sharply, moving further away from me shaking his head. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he changes his focus to that.

I look away and bite at my bottom lip.

Way to go, Harry.

But then the words are being shoved past my tongue and I can’t stop them.

“I . . . jus’ wanna know if she’s doin’ alright,” they say, and I’m not even sure if he heard me with how quiet they were.

Staring ahead, I see his head of blonde quiffed hair rise. He doesn’t say anything right away, but instead, he seems to think about it before he raises his head fully.

“She’s okay,” he responds, with certainty to his words. And with those words, they take a little more of the tension I feel coating my body.

“Good, ‘m glad t’ hear that . . . Is she uh liking her new job?”

“Yeah, she said it’s good. I dunno if I should be telling you this, but uh she found a clerk job in town. The same sorta thing as what she did here, which is good and makes switching jobs easier,” he continues, and I soak up every word because they’re about her. I wish I could hear these words from her mouth. But I can’t, and that’s my fault.

“A-an’ they’re good t’ her there?” I continue, not knowing how to articulate the rambling thoughts in my head.

“Yeah, they are,” Asher says, looking at me briefly. I look back and I watch his expression soften. “She’s doing well, Harry. She misses it here sometimes, but she’s adjusting and I think she’s where she needs to be right now.”

He doesn’t get to say anything more, because the elevator doors glide open.

“Thank you, Asher . . I really mean it,” I tell him, giving a small smile. He nods and steps off and out of sight.

And thus began our random elevator talks. I looked forward to them, even if they only lasted a couple minutes. And even if I only got to hear a vague update about her. And even if it made trying to forget her harder.

The halls are quiet. A ghost town from earlier in the day where hundreds of feet traveled, and even just twenty minutes ago. But it’s the lunch hour, and everybody else has the same idea as me. To leave. Now, my black mod boots are the only sound on the speckled floors. The tall ceilings hide fluorescent lights and the gorgeous stained glass also hides, but from the snow. Identical snowflakes fall in the sky outside, and I pull my coat tighter around me in preparation to join it.

The snowflakes melt in my hair and try to fly into my face, the wind pushing them this way and that. My car takes forever to warm up, making me curse myself for forgetting my matching violet hat and mittens on my desk. It only has just begun to warm up when I pull up in front of the towering brick building. Flocks of people rush to the doors from their cars, and the other way around. The vents blasting out warm air hush when I turn the key, bringing the chill with it.

Well, this is it. My lungs heave a nervous breath and I try to sike myself up to even just open the door. But my thoughts get the best of me, and strings of what-ifs and doubts circle in my mind.

What’s the point?

What if it turns out the same way as before?

What if I can’t do it?

What if I’m not good enough?

What if I made the right decision to leave?

Why should I try again?

What if I don’t like it anymore?

How can I do it by myself again when I never could the first time?

What if I fail?

Finally, I open the door and get out before I can stop. And I decide to leave all of the what-ifs and doubts there. Behind me. I focus on picking up my feet and putting one in front of the other until I’m standing in front of the familiar doors I haven’t stood before in a long time.

The warmth welcomes me and so does the familiar smells of books and fried chips. The smells I always associated with this place. Lines of people fill the entrance and conversations paint the air. The Christmas decorations are long gone, and new knick-knacks and flyers replace them. Instead, cheesy Easter decorations line the bulletin boards. Yellow baby chicks. Pink fluffy banners. Easter eggs colored in patchy by tiny hands. Colorful signs advertise local events, reminders, schedules, and many more things I don’t have the time for.

Pushing back the sleeve of my coat, I peek at my watch. I have 20 more minutes until I have to be back at work. Oh goodness, I hope I won’t regret this.

But I don’t think I will, because I’m finally doing something about all of the nagging thoughts and ideas I’ve had the last few weeks. And I’m proud of myself for at least taking the first step.

Stopping in front of the Information Desk, I’m met with a cheery smile asking me how they can help me.

“Hi, I was hoping to speak with an advisor, a Mrs. Shepherd,” I begin, feeling the words roll off my tongue with hesitance. I’m surprised with myself for even remembering the name.

“Do you have an appointment with her?” she responds, looking away from her computer she types on.

“No, I uh was just on my lunch break and I was hoping to meet with her to speak about something.”

“Alright. I’m going to need your name and what your question is for her,” the lady replies, looking between her computer screen and me. I pause, focusing on the fake yellow chick sitting atop her screen. Her heavily lined eyes wait for me behind her pink framed glasses, and her curly brown hair dances in the wind from her mini fan.

“My name is Rebecca Holte, and I wanted to speak with Sally about finishing up my last 30 credits of my law degree.”

#the assistant #fanfic #writing #harry styles #one direction #1d #harry #au #harry au #alternate universe #lawyer au #lawyer #pa harry #fine line

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cumulativechaos · 14 days ago

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the other thing with the boops. and this is purely a me and my brain problem. but the nature of “u have a limited time to do this simple repetitive task to earn arbitrary achievements and both the task and the achievements are objectively pretty meaningless but it’s just a silly little thing u and ur friends can do for fun :)” is this is the exact sort of thing that actually makes me. unreasonably anxious lol. and also if i try to meet the achievements and then im not able to bc im busy rn irl then i will feel disproportionately upset about it. i’ll feel like a failure and a disappointment over something that actually does not matter even a little bit. so instead i am just not going to try bc then it’s fine that i didn’t get the little badges or whatever.

unfortunately just like last year i am unable to dedicate much time to booping bc of work

#“if i don’t try then it doesn’t count as failure” <- mentality that has never backfired on me ever don’t even worry about it :)#mp #boop

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ask-the-infiltrators · 7 years ago

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A ponytale...

Featureing Aurora from @ask-acepony

The telltale sound of magic died out as a set of scissors was placed down on a table. A blue unicorn that was tall in stature and possessed the pinkest eyes known to ponykind took a step back to admire her handy work. She must admit, when this stallion came in today asking her to cut and style his mane, she was quite surprised. Sure, she’s worked on all kinds of ponies’ manes, but it was a surprise that somepony would come to her as their first choice. Normally when ponies come to her for help, it’s for beauty supplies or other accessories…

“Hmmm… I think this will be good enough.”

As she levitated the stallion’s discarded hair into a bin and sat it off to the side, he stated, “I can’t thank you enough for this Aurora. I really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to help me get ready for my inspection. Although, is the blindfold really necessary?”

And indeed, the orange unicorn in the chair stared blankly into the darkness in front of him, his sky blue eyes blinded by the black sheet of fabric wrapped around his head. Despite his blinded condition, he was still able to pinpoint the mare’s location and turned his head to her when she responded with a soft chuckle, “Well, you did say ‘surprise me.’ Don’t you trust me Platinum?”

Now it was his turn to chuckle. As a smile formed on his muzzle, he answered her, “Of course I do. When it comes to making ponies feel their absolute best, you are the best I know.”

A soft blush rose to Aurora’s cheeks as she picked up a mane brush and spray bottle in her magic. It was compliments like these that made her smile grow even wider. After a few spritz of water and plenty of brushing, Platinum’s mane was made straight and carried a glossy sheen. No split ends, no knots. It seemed a little odd if she would be honest. From the looks of things, Platinum did a good enough job taking care of his own head of hair just as well as she did, so why would he need her help doing this?

Before she could ask her query aloud, Platinum spoke up. It was as if he had read her mind, “So… By now you must be wondering what this inspection is about. I’ve been wanting to tell you for a little while now, but I wasn’t sure how to put it.”

Her ears perked up in curiosity, listening intently as she thought up a few things she could do with his remaining hair, “I will admit, I have been curious, but I assumed you had your reasons for keeping quiet.”

He nodded gently, trying not to mess up all the work she had done for him so far, “It’s a little complicated, yes. You see… I do a lot more than just hunt rare gems when I go out to travel. I also work the graveyard shift as a Night Guard.”

“A night guard? Like security or… You don’t mean like the royal guard kind of night guard do you?”

He nodded once more, “I do… It’s kind of a long story, but my family’s line of work is fairly necessary in the guard, and seeing as I’m one of the few ponies that can weave powerful enchantments in my world, I get called in frequently to help maintain armor, badges, anything with a magic signature on it really. I even deal with disenchanting various threats all around Equestria.”

She supposed that would explain the armor he keeps in his closet, and the fancy uniforms… She honestly wasn’t too surprised by this revelation, as there were plenty of hints before hoof, it was just something that was a little too worrying to bring up when she found them. It’s one thing to explore the world in search of ‘dumb’ rocks, but it's an entirely different thing to be handling potentially dangerous situations. This only served to confirm her suspicions.

“So… Why are you telling me about this now?”

And lo, there was the million bit question. Platinum was about to raise up the blindfold so he can look her in the eye, but a gentle tug on its tie from Aurora was enough to stop him. Sighing, the seated Unicorn relented, “S-something came up. I might not see you for a while after this inspection, so I didn’t want any secrets to remain between us that I might regret not telling you later.”

Ah, something dangerous… Why wasn’t she surprised? It always seems like ponies spill their guts most often at this point, where they feel like if they don’t say things now, they never will. Before Platinum could continue to spill his guts, Aurora placed a hoof on his mouth, shutting him up, “I’m just going to stop you right there… As touching as this is, I do not want you to talk to me as if you are going to die tomorrow. It’s depressing as tartarus and I don’t want to remember our last moments together as sad ones.”

Wow… Platinum’s stunned silence filled the room. Even as Aurora continued to worked his mane into a simple, yet effective ponytail, he sat there facing forward as he tried to come up with a topic to change to. Thankfully, Aurora had already come up with one, “You should consider yourself lucky, I’m no stranger when it comes to death defying situations myself. I once had to deal with a changeling and it’s brainwashing.”

Oh? Still dark, but the fact that she’s still around shows that this tale has a much happier conclusion than his might, “I see… Didn’t you say something about changelings in your world being more mindless drone than not?”

Aurora compared a few different colored bands that she could finish tying up his mane with, and decided on blue to match his eyes. Her work finished, she removed the blindfold to let him see what she had done, “Yes I did. Despite not having a brain of their own to work with, they do have their moments of brilliance… One had managed to nearly trick me into believing they were my friend Ace, but when we started talking about tumblr and blogs and all that, the bewildered expression on it’s face clued me into the fact that something was wrong. Before it could strike when it recovered, Ace arrived and together we took it out, lopping off its horn in the process.”

“Brutal!”

Aurora laughed as Platinum stood up to get a closer look at himself in the mirror, “Indeed. I was a little shook up when all things were said and done. Seeing a broken and beaten changeling can do that to you… But still, I was able to carry on and report the attack to the night guards and they surveyed the situation.”

Turning towards her, he stated, “A harrowing situation you found yourself in, but you came out of it just fine. I’m happy for you.”

Aurora gave him a light tug on his ponytail with her magic, drawing him close to her, her gaze looked very serious, “Think about this… I am just your average unicorn taking on one Changeling. You survive the destruction of your own world. Don’t you dare talk to me as if any silly little trinket is going to kill you. If we’re going to talk, please, talk to me about your day. Talk to me like you would any mare, but please don’t talk to me as if I am a widow receiving news of her husband’s death.”

Ah, that explains why she recounted that story. She was making a point. Mares, they were usually pretty good at doing that. As she let him go, he pulled her into a hug and said, “Thank you… I needed somepony to tell me that.”

The blue mare booped the stallion on the nose before turning away, freeing herself from his grasp, “How can you be expected to be at your very best if you spend your time worrying about the future. I say we should focus on what we have now and worry about what happens next when it happens.”

“And what do we have?”

“Us?”

The mare let out a chuckle, turning her head back to him for a brief moment to answer, “As business partners, it’s pretty unprofessional for us to have a romantic relationship, so of course friendship would be preferred.”

As she headed for the door, there was a noticeable sashaying of her hips that made him believe that last statement wasn’t exactly what she had in mind. Her next one confirmed his suspicions, “However, we’re both fairly independant ponies and you seem like a nice enough gentlecolt overall. I wouldn’t mind finding out someday if romance is really for me.”

And with that, she left him there alone to ponder her words. Whether or not he could live through the trails ahead he still couldn’t be sure, but there was one thing he did know for sure. He was going to try his hardest to live long enough for the both of them to find that out.

#Long Post #Story #Aurora (Ace Pony)#Platinum #ask-acepony

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